When my mum died, I struggled to think of her best times in her life. No doubt, she was happy after the war, bringing up her family, but many endured many tough times including losing a son when he was only 8, but also the effects of ptsd from the experiences she endured in Siberia. I stayed up all night trying to write a eulogy before her funeral. I thought about her best times, having left the cold harsh environment of the brick factory in Arkhangelsk and visions of death and the happy time when she arrived in Africa, Lusaka to be precise. As you know, she lived less than half a mile from your family, and shared a similar horrible history as your fathers family. I’ve not shared this before. Perhaps you’ll connect with it in some way. X
UNDER THE AFRICAN SUN.
You came from the east,
from frozen lands,
to the African sun and earth scorched sands.
Nature was abound,
The flowers smelled sweet.
The Army ants scattering beneath your feet.
You slept in a straw hut,
Healthy food was assured,
You were miles away
From the pain you’d endured.
With your Red Cross shoes,
and your new adopted cat,
You were frightened of the snakes,
but more scared of going back.
Then close friendships were made,
the future looked bright,
and the stars shone like diamonds,
in the African night.
And then you left this beautiful land, never to return;
That's a really lovely poem Adas. Very moving. I didn't know she lived half an hour from my family. Thank you so much for writing and sharing. Maybe you should start a substack?
Most of the children of Polish refugees wish they had asked their parents much more about their experiences, I certainly did - you are not alone! It must be very emotional to be where your Tata found himself. Many of these Poles did not talk much about their experiences through and after the war as they found it too painful to recall and didn't want to subject their families to the pain of what they went through.
Thank you for sharing this Alexa. I didn't really join up the dots till I got here. I just saw this a somewhere that I could escape to for a bit of time and I am grateful to my friends Magda and Mark for letting me crash here. But getting away from London as given me head space to think of these things and share them with others. x
What a touching account of your Fathers life Jo. Wow, you know so much about what he went through and it’s amazing that you are now there, where he loved to be.
That generation who experienced Siberia and the disconnected life they lived after affected them in such deeply disturbing ways. My own Father who followed a similar story would not discuss or talk about that time in his life at all. I have no idea exactly how it felt or what he lived through then. He shut himself in emotionally and his only true friend was a bottle of Whiskey.
I do know, from my Mother, that he also had a deeply traumatic childhood before the war and those combined scars turned him into a cruel and bitter man.
Jo, our Fathers lived through hell and in those days the term PTSD didn’t exist. That broken generation had nowhere to turn to untangle their emotions and so many ended up drinking as their only solace.
Knowing what they lived through is one thing, but I believe very strongly that our role and mission now is to break the pattens of inherited trauma and heal our own lives from the scars we were left with from our Fathers behaviour.
In a way we, as their children, we were is some warped way punished for what they experienced. They’ve show now that trauma is carried in the genes and our own lives are so deeply affected. The way we feel about ourselves, the choices we make in life, the expectations our parents put on our heads and most of all their total inability to show or express love have left us with just as much trauma.
I know I have spent my life working on myself and trying to live a happy life by untangling those issues. I think this amazing journey of yours will be catharsis. A way for you to work out how you can find true joy, passion & contentment in your life. I hope your travels become a healing, an understanding and a letting go of the past.
You are such a warm, generous and beautiful soul and there is nothing I would love more than to see you blossom and find happiness. Sending you, as always, a huge hug and much love.
Wow, Anita, thank you so much for replying and being so honest about your experiences as well. We, the children have each got our own background and stories of our parents each story as sad as the one before. Yet, you would also think that people would learn, yet history keeps repeating itself over and over and I have to admit that I am really worried about what is going on in Ukraine right now.
Thank you for your kind words about me. I am so happy to be writing. You won't believe how uplifted I am feeling. Thank you for all your support and send my love to your mama. xx
Dearest Joasia, your writing is fluent and easy to read; it's interesting, sincere, poignant, expressive, unpretentious, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It resonates with me.
I hear you and I understand you. Truly. Perhaps not shockingly.
This is an interesting time in our lives and, for me, it's about trying to deal with the uninvited menopausal alter ego who has decided to join me for an unknown period of time.
I sort of feel, that perhaps unfulfilled creative types (like me, maybe you?) are irritated by the drag of this alter ego who covets my mojo. It's a challenge. You rise to challenges, no? You diplomatically accommodate rather than dismiss? You use the challenge and create?
None of it easy or predictably productive. It seems to me you are already doing this. Certainly you are not standing still.
My Tata - who was similarly driven from his first family home -regularly said 2 important things to us: 2 wrongs don't make a right; and, take things in your stride.
Do the latter, Joasia. Life unfolds as it will. You are in a good place.
So interesting to read. I'm well thanks- hopefully over the cold bugs that have been doing the rounds! Have you seen that the contest's in India. Arrivals about May 4 & Final 31st?
What a fascinating life your Father had. He experienced so much! What a wise & fascinating person, he must have been. So interesting to read his story. Xx
When my mum died, I struggled to think of her best times in her life. No doubt, she was happy after the war, bringing up her family, but many endured many tough times including losing a son when he was only 8, but also the effects of ptsd from the experiences she endured in Siberia. I stayed up all night trying to write a eulogy before her funeral. I thought about her best times, having left the cold harsh environment of the brick factory in Arkhangelsk and visions of death and the happy time when she arrived in Africa, Lusaka to be precise. As you know, she lived less than half a mile from your family, and shared a similar horrible history as your fathers family. I’ve not shared this before. Perhaps you’ll connect with it in some way. X
UNDER THE AFRICAN SUN.
You came from the east,
from frozen lands,
to the African sun and earth scorched sands.
Nature was abound,
The flowers smelled sweet.
The Army ants scattering beneath your feet.
You slept in a straw hut,
Healthy food was assured,
You were miles away
From the pain you’d endured.
With your Red Cross shoes,
and your new adopted cat,
You were frightened of the snakes,
but more scared of going back.
Then close friendships were made,
the future looked bright,
and the stars shone like diamonds,
in the African night.
And then you left this beautiful land, never to return;
A new life awaited.
Eight children, one lost
You were not always elated.
But I like to think,
As your time drew near,
That your heart shone bright
And you had no fear,
And you remember with a smile on your face,
Your children all around
With the help of that Sun,
You now sleep sweetly and sound.
That's a really lovely poem Adas. Very moving. I didn't know she lived half an hour from my family. Thank you so much for writing and sharing. Maybe you should start a substack?
We lived in Balham off Ritherdon rd sw17 You in Tooting Bec. Half a mile at most. 😊
Most of the children of Polish refugees wish they had asked their parents much more about their experiences, I certainly did - you are not alone! It must be very emotional to be where your Tata found himself. Many of these Poles did not talk much about their experiences through and after the war as they found it too painful to recall and didn't want to subject their families to the pain of what they went through.
Thank you for sharing this Alexa. I didn't really join up the dots till I got here. I just saw this a somewhere that I could escape to for a bit of time and I am grateful to my friends Magda and Mark for letting me crash here. But getting away from London as given me head space to think of these things and share them with others. x
What a touching account of your Fathers life Jo. Wow, you know so much about what he went through and it’s amazing that you are now there, where he loved to be.
That generation who experienced Siberia and the disconnected life they lived after affected them in such deeply disturbing ways. My own Father who followed a similar story would not discuss or talk about that time in his life at all. I have no idea exactly how it felt or what he lived through then. He shut himself in emotionally and his only true friend was a bottle of Whiskey.
I do know, from my Mother, that he also had a deeply traumatic childhood before the war and those combined scars turned him into a cruel and bitter man.
Jo, our Fathers lived through hell and in those days the term PTSD didn’t exist. That broken generation had nowhere to turn to untangle their emotions and so many ended up drinking as their only solace.
Knowing what they lived through is one thing, but I believe very strongly that our role and mission now is to break the pattens of inherited trauma and heal our own lives from the scars we were left with from our Fathers behaviour.
In a way we, as their children, we were is some warped way punished for what they experienced. They’ve show now that trauma is carried in the genes and our own lives are so deeply affected. The way we feel about ourselves, the choices we make in life, the expectations our parents put on our heads and most of all their total inability to show or express love have left us with just as much trauma.
I know I have spent my life working on myself and trying to live a happy life by untangling those issues. I think this amazing journey of yours will be catharsis. A way for you to work out how you can find true joy, passion & contentment in your life. I hope your travels become a healing, an understanding and a letting go of the past.
You are such a warm, generous and beautiful soul and there is nothing I would love more than to see you blossom and find happiness. Sending you, as always, a huge hug and much love.
Wow, Anita, thank you so much for replying and being so honest about your experiences as well. We, the children have each got our own background and stories of our parents each story as sad as the one before. Yet, you would also think that people would learn, yet history keeps repeating itself over and over and I have to admit that I am really worried about what is going on in Ukraine right now.
Thank you for your kind words about me. I am so happy to be writing. You won't believe how uplifted I am feeling. Thank you for all your support and send my love to your mama. xx
Dearest Joasia, your writing is fluent and easy to read; it's interesting, sincere, poignant, expressive, unpretentious, and a whole bunch of other stuff. It resonates with me.
I hear you and I understand you. Truly. Perhaps not shockingly.
This is an interesting time in our lives and, for me, it's about trying to deal with the uninvited menopausal alter ego who has decided to join me for an unknown period of time.
I sort of feel, that perhaps unfulfilled creative types (like me, maybe you?) are irritated by the drag of this alter ego who covets my mojo. It's a challenge. You rise to challenges, no? You diplomatically accommodate rather than dismiss? You use the challenge and create?
None of it easy or predictably productive. It seems to me you are already doing this. Certainly you are not standing still.
My Tata - who was similarly driven from his first family home -regularly said 2 important things to us: 2 wrongs don't make a right; and, take things in your stride.
Do the latter, Joasia. Life unfolds as it will. You are in a good place.
Thank you Jola, what you have written means so much to me. xxx
So interesting to read. I'm well thanks- hopefully over the cold bugs that have been doing the rounds! Have you seen that the contest's in India. Arrivals about May 4 & Final 31st?
Love & very best wishes for super writing. Xxxx
What a fascinating life your Father had. He experienced so much! What a wise & fascinating person, he must have been. So interesting to read his story. Xx
Thank you so much Rhiannon. Hope all is well with you. Xxxx